A Message to Some Parents, Your Child Needs to Be Responsible

Some might read this blog and think that I am trying to skirt the Fraternity’s portion of responsibility in the fraternal experience, I am not.  I believe that any organization that violates policy, breaks law or endangers someone should be held accountable.  That is not the topic of the day though, today I talk about member responsibilities and yes parents, I am looking at you.  More specifically, I am looking at the parents that are the enablers.  I apologize and thank in advance the parents that don’t fit these scenarios.

First off your son is old enough to vote, old enough to live away from home, old enough to enter contracts, and pretty much do anything he wants aside from drinking unless he is 21.  This means he is old enough to join a Fraternity and be held responsible for that decision.  I welcome your involvement in that process and that is your right as a parent but you need to remember the membership contract is between your son and the organization, not you and the organization.

When your son moves into a chapter house, after signing a lease, he is moving into his “apartment” for the year with a legally binding contract.  Just because it is a Fraternity doesn’t mean he can simply move out when he wants to.  The chapter corporation is a landlord, not simply a friend of your son’s.  By the way, when he breaks something, just like in the dorm or apartment building, he has to pay for it.  This is all called responsibility.

I am sorry your underage son was provided a beer and yes it was illegal to give it to him.  Your son could have been responsible though and said no.  He could contact the University or the National Office to let us know that someone tried to give him the drink.  According to Facebook he has been drinking since high school and before he joined.  He needs to take some responsibility for the decisions he makes.  (Oh and he tagged “Dad” in one picture where he is drinking beer with an older man.  Was that you?  Where did he get it?)

I am sorry your son did poorly in school this year.  I am sure the Fraternity kept him busy.  I bet he would have done better though had he simply gone to his 9am classes.  I may be wrong but not many Fraternity events happen on weekday mornings during school.  Maybe if he didn’t play video games 12 hours a day he could have made class.  Yes I am sure the Friday party interfered with him getting the end of semester project that was due Monday completed.  He probably should have been responsible and skipped the party or better yet, completed it weeks ago when he first received the assignment.

You are right when you say “he is my son and I pay the bills”.  You are wrong to think that I can deal with you instead of him when he is expelled, owes money or has other issues.  The relationships work this way: your son and the Fraternity have a relationship, your son and you have a relationship.  I am not saying you shouldn’t call me with concerns.  What I am saying is you can’t appeal his expulsion.  You can’t make his 4 semesters of unpaid house bills go away with threats.  You don’t get to represent him when he goes to chapter judicial board.  All of that is his responsibility.

If your son is going to survive in this world he needs to understand and handle responsibility.  You will have to let him walk on his own.  You also can’t continually blame others for your son’s mistakes.  He will make mistakes, we all do.  He is better to learn from them versus having them fixed by you.

P.S. You are welcome we paid your deductible for your son’s medical bill.  Of course, had he not been drinking and put his hand through the window in the first place he probably would not have been injured.

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