National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation is a classic. The lines that come out of that movie are pure comedic gold. One of the reasons it is so successful is because sometimes, unfortunately, the scenarios are very real.
Have you ever had a Clark Griswold Moment? You know a time when you worked your butt off, putting up 200,000 imported Italian twinkle lights, fought all the set backs such as forgetting to turn on the switch or stapling your shirt to the house, only to have someone rain on your parade in the end? “The little lights aren’t twinkling Clark”, says the father-in-law. “I know Art, and thanks for noticing”, responds Clark.
Unfortunately “father-in-laws” exist in almost every aspect of life and more specifically in Fraternity. Here are some examples:
- New members finish their education yet there is a member who says “they know their stuff but they haven’t earned it”.
- A chapter holds a big successful event but all the professionals want to focus on were the small mistakes.
- Chapter leaders struggle with numerous challenges, give up their personal life, extra free time and sometimes their sanity only to be disrespected by absent members that don’t like the decisions made.
- Certain alumni put no effort into connecting with their chapter but are the first to comment that they haven’t gotten a newsletter recently.
- Housing corporations keep the bills paid and a roof over the chapter’s head only to be criticized that the toilet (which a member stuffed a whole roll of toilet paper down) doesn’t work.
- At HQ programs are put in place that greatly improve operations and support yet the unexpected hurdles in the process are what some undergraduates and alumni focus on.
The common factors in all of these situations are 1. The lack of appreciation of what was accomplished and 2. The failure of those criticizing to provide alternative solutions or to be involved. The question that this raises is what are the positive or negative responses to such types of criticism? How should one react? Where is the motivation to keep trying?
Please understand I believe very strongly that there is a place for criticism. Criticism can help one identify ways to improve. The key is the delivery of the criticism. Is it constructive? Is it valid? Is it coming from someone with knowledge of the matter? Is the person providing the criticism someone that acknowledges the successes too? Is it someone that you can respect?
I have learned to grow thick skin over the years because I truly believe that you cannot make everyone happy. I may be rare but I appreciate criticism when it comes with the purpose of helping improve something. I also sometimes find myself being the one providing the criticism. My philosophy though is to have a suggestion or solution attached to the criticism.
For example, recently I needed to take classes for the next degree I am pursuing that are offered at times that are impossible for me to attend. I approached the head of the department identifying (or criticizing) the lack of schedule flexibility for those classes. To help the situation I brought with me a possible solution which was class descriptions similar to the required classes that are offered at another institution. The result, I was approved to take those classes elsewhere and transfer the credits in. I truly believe there would have been a different outcome if I had just gone in and complained that I can’t take those classes because of the times they are offered.
The problem with the “Clark Griswold Moment” is that there is no positive reinforcement or offer of advice in the criticism. Do you think Clark is going to want his father-in-law around for his other attempts at achievement? If you watch the movie through you see that things start falling apart pretty fast. Part of that is just how the movie is supposed to go but part of it may be because he is trying to live up to perceived expectations. Expectations, that his dad later tells him, are impossible to meet. Unfortunately some of those perceived expectations are set by those “father-in-laws” that don’t show their appreciation with their criticism.
My parting thought is that when we are Clark Griswold we need to remember that past those “father-in-laws” there are 10 other members of the family that truly appreciate what you have done. On the flip side when we are the ones criticizing we need to make sure we are not creating a “Clark Griswold Moment”.
Editor’s Note: Father-In-Laws aren’t all bad…in case mine is reading this. 
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