Go with the flow – The struggles of young leaders

This week I have been carefully watching a young leader in one of my chapters as a “situation” continues to grow.  I am anxious to see at what point he steps up and does the very difficult but very needed move of saying STOP.  Understand it is not a situation where laws are being broken or where injury could occur.  It is more a situation where respect could be lost and image could be damaged.  A disclaimer, as this situation moves forward I don’t think policies will be broken which is why I am not stepping in yet.  I also think there are others closer to the situation that should before I do.

What we have though is a good example of the struggles  a young leader may face.  For the first 18 to 20 years of  students’ lives they are raised and trained to be social animals for a lack of better terms.  Parents, siblings, teachers and community try to teach them to fit in, be part of a team and in many cases not to rock the boat.  I find that I do that myself with my kids which is to encourage them to go with the flow sometimes.  We should not be surprised though that this translates into how our leaders act when they are handed the keys.

Many times a young leader will find that the majority of their group wants to go one direction, a direction that is not necessarily right.  Right or wrong, the reality is that it is very hard to simply jump in front and say, “Sorry, we have to change direction.”  I would venture to say that many have never been in such a situation before.  As most people tend to learn by experience, the lack there of then makes it difficult to do the right thing.  For this reason these young leaders simply go with the flow.

There is also the “friend” factor.  Many times a student leader considers the group he/she leads as their closest friends.  It is very difficult, especially when the friendship is institutionally established versus simply socially established, to tell these friends they are wrong.  No one wants to be a part of a group where they are the least liked person.  Obviously the real lesson here that hopefully they learn someday is that true friends will appreciate it when you intervene on behalf of their well being.

One might argue this is the time for a real leader to shine and I could agree with that somewhat.  I challenge you though to look at the reality of this situation.  Students coming to college today have grown up with a larger on demand support network than ever before.  In many cases they expect somebody to run interference when needed on their behalf.  If they are to lead the world one day they have to learn to be the one that runs interference.  Remember though they need the experience with guidance first.

This is why campus professionals, organizational advisors, parents and older peers need to stay involved with these young leaders.  Just because they are elected president or other high positions in their organizations doesn’t mean they have the skills that experience provides.  Someone needs to guide them.  If we don’t, in my opinion, it becomes questionable how much blame we can put on them when things go wrong.

Sweat the big stuff but keep an eye on the small stuff too

Recently while flying back to Indy from a board meeting I read a quote from Michael Lewis, the author of Moneyball.  He said his father gave him the following advice, “Most problems, if you ignore them, just go away.”  I have been thinking about that quote for a couple of days.  At first I thought I agreed with him, then I disagreed and now I think I have settled on “maybe”.

As leaders, volunteers and/or members  in our respective organizations we come across problems on a regular basis.  I tell my staff that we are 20% proactive and 80% reactive in what we do.  Of course after I tell them this I always follow up with the suggestion to imagine what we could do if the ratio was reversed.  We have even tried a few times to change our mentality but I think it is human nature to want to fix things.

The “problem” is that all problems are different.  The big problems our organizations face  like serious injuries, criminal activity, and failing finances to name a few cannot be ignored.  In our business we find ourselves unfortunately dealing with some serious things sometimes. These problems need to be addressed immediately.  In many cases these can be organization ending problems if they are not fixed.  (Not to mention life threatening).

Then there are the “small red flag problems”.  These are problems that don’t seem serious but in reality could be a sign of worse things to come.  For instance a new member class severely fails in their academics, a couple hundred dollars is unaccounted for in the chapter bank account or a member is seen drinking underage.  There may be excuses for each situation and they may not repeat or get worse.  Unfortunately there are other possibilities such as hazing is occurring with the new members, a chapter treasurer has found a way to steal money or alcohol is being abused by a member or the group.  Left unchecked these can get a lot worse.

Finally we get to the small problems, these are the ones I think we can ignore.  I remember a time when someone pranked an AKL Chapter and left a dead deer (roadkill) on their front porch.  Instead of simply throwing it in the dumpster and forgetting about it they called the police, they accused other organizations of leaving it there and spent literally 7 days stressing about it.  Another small problem is the epic t-shirt problem.   Apparently the t-shirts ordered the day before the event won’t get there in time.  Instead of shrugging and moving on an organization gripes all day about it ignoring all the other things that could make the event good.

The key is to know what the problem really is.  One needs to identify its category.  Ask some simple questions like “What are the possible outcomes of this problem?”  or “What other things could be related to this problem?” or even “If I shared this problem with someone outside of my organization would they even think it is a problem?”.    The answers could be telling and help you figure out if you need to address it or ignore it.  If you have some free time try this out on some problems you have recently had and see what you end up deciding.

Your legacy is what you create, not what you inherit

Living in Indianapolis and being a Colts fan I have great interest in what is happening with the Colts organization.  Most recently the buzz has been about the firing of Jim Caldwell, a coach who has coached three seasons with a winning record overall.  This is a man that went to the Super Bowl his first season as coach.  So how did he fail?

One would argue that he was not the one that failed, that he did his head coaching duties.  I could agree with that to an extent but I think he set himself up for this failure when he positioned himself to take over the team.  I believe that when he was named heir apparent (while his predecessor was still around) he did so by giving away his rights to do it his way, he gave up the opportunity to create his legacy.

Fraternity and Sorority leaders are not necessarily in the same position as a person applying for a head coach of a football team but they can take a lesson from this.  No matter how good something is, when you are in charge you need to own it and to some extent control it.  It needs to be your legacy.  It needs to be better than what it was before.

You need to view the work that was done and the successes of the past as the foundation for you to build your legacy on.  You are not moving into the “house”, you are adding on or renovating it.  When you leave your position, do you want people to say “He/She kept it together” or do you want them to say “That is when the organization really exploded and he/she took it to the next level”.

My challenge to our Fraternity and Sorority leaders, from the of national boards all the way down to the new member class officers: Create your legacy, don’t live in someone else’s.   If you do I think things are going to get even better.

Our Future Starts Now

Many Fraternities and Sororities (and Schools) like Alpha Kappa Lambda host an annual leadership college or Presidents’ Academy in January.  It is a time to bring in new chapter officers to prepare them for the next 12 months when they will be at the helm of their chapters.

At first blush one would think this is simply a operations and process task.  One would assume that we do this so the men and women know how to handle paperwork, run a chapter meeting, improve their programs and so on.  While all of these activities do happen this really isn’t the primary purpose of these events.  The primary purpose is securing the future of our organizations.

The scary and at the same time exciting reality is that the future and face of our organizations rest squarely on the backs of these new chapter officers.  These men and women that are normally between the ages of 19 and 22.  We place ours hopes and our history on them and ask them to carry it all for at least the next 12 months.  What other 100 year old businesses would do this with people so young?  I would venture to guess not many.  That is what makes Fraternity and Sorority so great!

So the reality is we hold these events to meet these men and women.  We challenge them at these events to do their best.  We tell them how we are going to support them.  We give them tools, we remind them of purpose.  We challenge them to change things for the better no matter how good things already are.  We do this because they are our future and we must secure it.

I could not have been prouder this past weekend of the men that attended AKL’s Presidents’ Academy.  They came in with open minds, energy and belief in our Ritual.  I am excited for the year.  As I followed other organizations via Twitter and Facebook I believe others had similar experiences.  I hope, for the sake of our futures, these men and women do the great things they appear capable of this year.

Congrats to all of the new officers in Fraternities and Sororities across the country.  Make us proud with the future you now lead!

A Message to Some Parents, Your Child Needs to Be Responsible

Some might read this blog and think that I am trying to skirt the Fraternity’s portion of responsibility in the fraternal experience, I am not.  I believe that any organization that violates policy, breaks law or endangers someone should be held accountable.  That is not the topic of the day though, today I talk about member responsibilities and yes parents, I am looking at you.  More specifically, I am looking at the parents that are the enablers.  I apologize and thank in advance the parents that don’t fit these scenarios.

First off your son is old enough to vote, old enough to live away from home, old enough to enter contracts, and pretty much do anything he wants aside from drinking unless he is 21.  This means he is old enough to join a Fraternity and be held responsible for that decision.  I welcome your involvement in that process and that is your right as a parent but you need to remember the membership contract is between your son and the organization, not you and the organization.

When your son moves into a chapter house, after signing a lease, he is moving into his “apartment” for the year with a legally binding contract.  Just because it is a Fraternity doesn’t mean he can simply move out when he wants to.  The chapter corporation is a landlord, not simply a friend of your son’s.  By the way, when he breaks something, just like in the dorm or apartment building, he has to pay for it.  This is all called responsibility.

I am sorry your underage son was provided a beer and yes it was illegal to give it to him.  Your son could have been responsible though and said no.  He could contact the University or the National Office to let us know that someone tried to give him the drink.  According to Facebook he has been drinking since high school and before he joined.  He needs to take some responsibility for the decisions he makes.  (Oh and he tagged “Dad” in one picture where he is drinking beer with an older man.  Was that you?  Where did he get it?)

I am sorry your son did poorly in school this year.  I am sure the Fraternity kept him busy.  I bet he would have done better though had he simply gone to his 9am classes.  I may be wrong but not many Fraternity events happen on weekday mornings during school.  Maybe if he didn’t play video games 12 hours a day he could have made class.  Yes I am sure the Friday party interfered with him getting the end of semester project that was due Monday completed.  He probably should have been responsible and skipped the party or better yet, completed it weeks ago when he first received the assignment.

You are right when you say “he is my son and I pay the bills”.  You are wrong to think that I can deal with you instead of him when he is expelled, owes money or has other issues.  The relationships work this way: your son and the Fraternity have a relationship, your son and you have a relationship.  I am not saying you shouldn’t call me with concerns.  What I am saying is you can’t appeal his expulsion.  You can’t make his 4 semesters of unpaid house bills go away with threats.  You don’t get to represent him when he goes to chapter judicial board.  All of that is his responsibility.

If your son is going to survive in this world he needs to understand and handle responsibility.  You will have to let him walk on his own.  You also can’t continually blame others for your son’s mistakes.  He will make mistakes, we all do.  He is better to learn from them versus having them fixed by you.

P.S. You are welcome we paid your deductible for your son’s medical bill.  Of course, had he not been drinking and put his hand through the window in the first place he probably would not have been injured.

The “Clark Griswold Moment” – Criticism Doesn’t Always Help

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation  is a classic.  The lines that come out of that movie are pure comedic gold.  One of the reasons it is so successful is because sometimes, unfortunately, the scenarios are very real.

Have you ever had a Clark Griswold Moment?  You know a time when you worked your butt off, putting up 200,000 imported Italian twinkle lights, fought all the set backs such as forgetting to turn on the switch or stapling your shirt to the house, only to have someone rain on your parade in the end?  “The little lights aren’t twinkling Clark”, says the father-in-law.  “I know Art, and thanks for noticing”, responds Clark.

Unfortunately “father-in-laws” exist in almost every aspect of life and more specifically in Fraternity.  Here are some examples:

• New members finish their education yet there is a member who says “they know their stuff but they haven’t earned it”.
• A chapter holds a big successful event but all the professionals want to focus on were the small mistakes.
• Chapter leaders struggle with numerous challenges, give up their personal life, extra free time and sometimes their sanity only to be disrespected by absent members that don’t like the decisions made.
• Certain alumni put no effort into connecting with their chapter but are the first to comment that they haven’t gotten a newsletter recently.
• Housing corporations keep the bills paid and a roof over the chapter’s head only to be criticized that the toilet (which a member stuffed a whole roll of toilet paper down) doesn’t work.
• At HQ programs are put in place that greatly improve operations and support yet the unexpected hurdles in the process are what some undergraduates and alumni focus on.

The common factors in all of these situations are 1. The lack of appreciation of what was accomplished and 2. The failure of those criticizing to provide alternative solutions or to be involved.  The question that this raises is what are the positive or negative responses to such types of criticism?  How should one react?  Where is the motivation to keep trying?

Please understand I believe very strongly that there is a place for criticism.  Criticism can help one identify ways to improve.  The key is the delivery of the criticism.  Is it constructive?  Is it valid?  Is it coming from someone with knowledge of the matter?  Is the person providing the criticism someone that acknowledges the successes too?  Is it someone that you can respect?

I have learned to grow thick skin over the years because I truly believe that you cannot make everyone happy.  I may be rare but I appreciate criticism when it comes with the purpose of helping improve something.  I also sometimes find myself being the one providing the criticism.  My philosophy though is to have a suggestion or solution attached to the criticism.

For example, recently I needed to take classes for the next degree I am pursuing that are offered at times that are impossible for me to attend.  I approached the head of the department identifying (or criticizing) the lack of schedule flexibility for those classes.  To help the situation I brought with me a possible solution which was class descriptions similar to the required classes that are offered at another institution.  The result, I was approved to take those classes elsewhere and transfer the credits in.  I truly believe there would have been a different outcome if I had just gone in and complained that I can’t take those classes because of the times they are offered.

The problem with the “Clark Griswold Moment” is that there is no positive reinforcement or offer of advice in the criticism.  Do you think Clark is going to want his father-in-law around for his other attempts at achievement?  If you watch the movie through you see that things start falling apart pretty fast.  Part of that is just how the movie is supposed to go but part of it may be because he is trying to live up to perceived expectations.  Expectations, that his dad later tells him, are impossible to meet.  Unfortunately some of those perceived expectations are set by those “father-in-laws” that don’t show their appreciation with their criticism.

My parting thought is that when we are Clark Griswold we need to remember that past those “father-in-laws” there are 10 other members of the family that truly appreciate what you have done.  On the flip side when we are the ones criticizing we need to make sure we are not creating a “Clark Griswold Moment”.

Editor’s Note: Father-In-Laws aren’t all bad…in case mine is reading this.

The Cold Hard Truth – We (Alumni) Are Hypocrites

Did I get your attention?  Good.  My only worry is that this message is going to the wrong people.  The Hypocrites are the ones who are not listening…or that have forgotten. (Editor’s note – this message is to all Greek Alumni).

Almost 20 years ago I joined my Fraternity as a freshmen.  I did so for a number of reasons but I remember one part of the pitch being “we have alumni”.  The perception provided to me was that there was this huge base of men out there that cared about me as an undergraduate member.  I envisioned 100′s of men coming back for events, scholarship money, mentors and internships.  Boy was I naive.

In my daily job I hear the question “where are the alumni?” more often then I would like.  The sad truth is that many of them have forgotten.  They forgot about when they asked that question themselves.  They forgot what the feeling was like of having to manage budgets of $1,000′s of dollars without guidance.  They forgot what it was like to stand up to bad behavior without a mentor or support of a bigger membership base (the alumni) standing behind them.  They forgot what it was like to shell out your only available cash to attend a leadership college or Conclave.  They forgot what it was like to have to make choices between Fraternity or work because school is expensive and the scholarship money and loans have dried up.

After joining Alpha Kappa Lambda I remember saying “I won’t be that way.”  I told myself that when I graduated I would come back and support the chapter.  I would donate when I could.  I would keep in touch with what is going on with the chapter.  I would try to mentor others.  Ironically I found myself in a job that makes me do all of that.  Because I see what happens when others don’t come back I am committed to continuing my efforts when I eventually leave this profession.

I won’t let myself off the hook though because I am a hypocrite too.  When I ask myself “have I given to the best of my ability?” I know the answer is no.  That is something I am going to have to change.

There is hope my fellow Alumni!  It is never too late to remember.  If you do remember, if you do care, you can still help.  Give to your Foundation to support scholarships, leadership education and service.  Give to your Fraternity to support recruitment and expansion of a great experience.  Get involved with a chapter…even if it is not your own and even if it is not your Fraternity.  Assist with internships and job mentoring, or simply keep in touch.  Make a Difference so that the next freshmen that joins not only hears “we have alumni” but sees “we have alumni.”

I am back because some people need to hear it!

I took a year off from blogging for the purpose of experimenting with other media.  If you follow me on Twitter you know I am now addicted.  The reality though is I have too much spinning in my head for the very few characters I am allowed.

My 2012 resolution is to keep this Blog current and start sharing some of the things that aren’t always said.  They may be easy nice things, inspirational things or they could be hard truths.  The intent will be to focus on Leadership, Fraternity and Service.

We have changed the format now as this will be a direct message from the Executive Director rather than general AKL News.  Between our website, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn there are plenty of places to keep track of what is happening with AKL.  We want this Blog to be a medium for critical thoughts for our members and friends.

Sit back and enjoy the ride!